Alternate Dr. Internet

[Thomas Dowling]

It's time once again to ask [Alternate] Dr. Internet!


Votes on continuing Alternate Dr. Internet ran at a 3:1 ratio.
Three people told me to continue working on it, and one person gave
a wry chuckle.

As always, the depth of research that goes into answering these
questions is beyond description.


1.  What do you predict for 1996?

    (Before I answer, I should point out that this column has a
    certain lead time built into it.  Any predictions which have
    already come true should underscore the prescience I bring to
    the others.)

    Keen analysis of newsgroup traffic patterns indicates that Lisa
    Marie Presley will file for divorce from Michael Jackson.
    Also, the Dallas Cowboys will win the Super Bowl.

    Similar analysis suggests that by the end of 1996 there will
    be more Internet Service Providers in the U.S. than citizens,
    let alone network users.  Government subsidies to failing ISPs
    will be a pivotal issue in the November elections.

    Speaking of the November elections, both major party candidates
    will mount web pages.  Due to a remarkable coincidence, they
    will hire the same web consultant to build those pages, and by
    further coincidence, the consultant will accidentally deliver
    the same pages to both parties.  No one will notice until after
    the election.

    In August, a warehouse manager in Barstow, California, will
    realize that he has been taking shipment of 30% of the world
    supply of RAM chips since 1991.  A translation error caused
    them to be mislabeled as poker chips. The error will be discovered
    when the manager tries to sell them to a casino in Las Vegas.

    The sudden glut of RAM will allow basic computer configurations
    to include much more memory.  By November, the standard
    entry-level computer will be a 133 MHz Pentium with 128MB of
    RAM.

    Windows 96 will be released on Christmas eve.  It will require
    120MB of memory to run.


What Internet books do you recommend?

    Many people ask me what books I keep on my night table.  In
    fact I don't read in bed.  My wife and I curl up with our
    laptops and work online (well, it's usually work.  The night
    we discovered that we were chatting with each other on IRC was
    a little awkward all around).  Instead, most of my reading is
    done at work.  Here are some of my current selections.


      Half Internet Catalog, by Eb Krol.  The author's new work
      makes a more realistic estimate about the percentage of
      network information resources that can be covered by a single
      book.

      Silicon Graphics Snake Oil, by Clifford Schtoll.  The author
      describes why old black and white movies are better than
      current films with effects generated by Indy workstations.
      At 1,650 pages, carrying this book around also provides good
      exercise.  A supplement, separately titled "Silicon Dioxide
      Snake Oil," explains why going to the beach was more fun 20
      years ago.

      Being Digitized, by Rick Regroponte.  A guided tour of the
      net's greatest collection of scanned photographs.  For some
      reason, the sites listed in the chapter on supermodels are
      mostly defunct.

      The Internet Unleashed On an Unsuspecting Public, by Phil
      Bachooski.  The hidden agenda exposed at last.  I could tell
      you the ending, but then I'd have to kill you.

      How To Make a Fortune On the Internet Without Really Trying,
      by Larry Moen Cantor.  Includes a script to automatically
      charge $65 against your credit card and send it to the author.
      Chapter 1 discusses the finer details of MAKE.MONEY.FAST;
      subsequent chapters deal with changing your name before your
      audit and voiding your contract with your Internet Service
      Provider.

      The Llama Book.  Not the O'Reilly Perl tutorial, but a pop-up
      book I bought for my daughter.  I'll let her have it when
      I've finished.

3.  Are there any good new computer games available?

    One of the most interesting areas of computer game development
    is simulations, and one of the most challenging new simulations
    is called "Get the Boss to Pay for 100BaseT."  It's so realistic,
    it's scary.  (By the way, if anyone has discovered the vendor's
    name that you need to get past Level 8, please drop me a line).



Tune in next time for Ask Dr. Internet--

        "I have a master's degree....in Internet!"


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Dr. Internet, Master of All Knowledge
Benedictine On the Rocks With a Twist
No official connection to Dr. Science