FW: computer funnies

[Lynn Roberts]

Lynn Roberts
Information Technologist
Hart County Library
150 Benson Street, Hartwell, GA  30643
Phone:(706)376-4655 Fax: (706)376-1157
E-mail:robertsa at mail.hart.public.lib.ga.us 

-----Original Message-----
From: USC-CLIS -- USC's College of Library and Information Science
LISTSERV [mailto:USC-CLIS at VM.SC.EDU] On Behalf Of Jeannie Colson
Sent: September 30, 1999 1:36 PM
To: USC-CLIS at VM.SC.EDU
Subject: computer funnies


 Computers & Electronics as Depicted in Movies

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing
long sentences.

3. All monitors display inch-high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA,
the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will
have easy to understand graphical
interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful
text-based command
shells that can correctly understand and execute
commands typed in plain
English.

5. You can gain access to any information you want by
simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any
keyboard.

6. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a
destructive virus by simply
typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress").

7. All computers are connected.  You can access the
information on the
villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

8. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or
whenever the screen changes.  Some computers also slow
down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go
faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones
also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.

9. All computer panels have thousands of volts and
flash pots just
underneath the surface.  Malfunctions are indicated by
a bright flash, a
puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion
that forces you
backwards.

10. People typing away on a computer will turn it off
without saving the
data.

11. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer
in the world before
intermission and guess the secret password in two
tries.

12. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function
(see "Demolition Man" and countless others).

13. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts
of data will be
accomplished in under three seconds.  Movie modems
usually appear to
transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per
second.

14. When the power plant/missile site/whatever
overheats, all the control
panels will explode, as will the entire building.

15. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are
automatically asked for a
password when you try to access it.

16. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll
be readable by any
system you put it into. All a.pplication software is
usable by all computer
platforms.

17. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons
it has (Aliens).
However, everyone must have been highly trained,
because the buttons aren't labelled.

18. Most computers, no matter how small, have
reality-defying three-
dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic
graphics capability.

19. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to
have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and
the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

20. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is
so bright that it
projects itself onto his/her face (see "Alien",
"2001")

21. All modern computer hard drives sound like old
Macintosh floppy drives.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Bid and sell for free at http://auctions.yahoo.com