Oh no, not another one! :^)

[Lori A. Schwabenbauer, Camden County Library]

NEW VIRUS WARNING
     
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous
Email virus yet.
     
It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will scramble
any disks that are even close to your computer.  It will recalibrate
your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and
the milk curdles.  It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR 
and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank.  It will drink all your beer and leave
its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with 
your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.  It
will give you nightmares about circus midgets.  It will replace your
shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your 
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous 
to your Visa card.
     
It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if she is dead,
such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to
sully those things we hold most dear.
     
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet
seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full
bathtub. It will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and
subtle.
     
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting
shade of mauve.
     
These are just a few signs.
     
Be very, very afraid.